Two Things You Can Do Right Now to Disrupt Aging!

I’m 76 years of age. I’m on the road most of the year with my caravan trailer in-tow. I have friends or meet new ones wherever I go and I feel absolutely fantastic. People have asked me how I do it or where my energy comes from. It’s quite simple really, I learned two things in my late 50s that changed my path and I’m sure my health for the better.

It isn’t rocket science, it doesn’t take a lot of energy but it does take awareness and commitment. It all comes down to worrying. When you worry, it causes stress and that makes you older. Science has proven it, I am living proof. On the other hand, being at peace with self makes you more energetic and lively.

1. Needing to be right.

Do you know someone who always needs to be right, to have the last word, to argue you into the ground? I do and they are a f — -ing pain in the ass. The reason I haven’t dumped them long ago is that they are family members. Otherwise “hit the road jack”.

People who always need to be right often suffer from insecurity. They are worried about how others will think about them if they are wrong.

Often people who have to be right have been punished either as a child or an adult for being wrong, so they feel safer if they are always right.

And then there are those people who are brilliant and want to point out how much more they know than you do. And making you wrong puffs up their already exaggerated ego.

I have a daughter who suffers from anxiety and she has to have the last word and constantly point out that I am wrong because her world needs to be a certain way and change is too scary to think about. And there are lots of people suffering from anxiety. Cut them some slack and look for their goodness.

The costs of having to be right can cause breakdowns in personal and work relationships.

People who need to be right are often very poor listeners if they are willing to listen at all. Most of the time they don’t care what anyone else thinks because they have made up the answer already.

Worst of all this always stops the person from seeing and being willing to fix small problems before they get out of control.

So, what to do if you do want to change? First of all, congratulate yourself for being willing to shift the way you see things.

Try to figure out where your need to be right is coming from. Is it from childhood or something that happened to you in the past? Were you bullied or abused in some way?

Talking to people you trust or even a counselor will put you on the path of discovery.

There is that saying about picking your battles. Give up the little things you feel you have to be right about, like whether to salt the meat before or after cooking or do the laundry on Monday vs Tuesday or berating your partner for not putting the dishes in the right place.

Ask yourself what difference it really makes. If the difference won’t harm you or the other people involved, then let it go.

Practice on small things you usually dig your heels in for and see how that feels. When that feels okay then move on to the bigger challenges.

Also, when you make a mistake, (and yes you do) admit it. Admit your responsibility in it even if you were just part of the error. Most importantly though is to keep trying and know that it will become easier. You and those around you will thank you big time.

2. Caring what other people think about you.

Well, long ago and far away we had to care about what other people thought or we would be isolated and left out. And it was a bit difficult to fight the tigers and big hairy creatures out to get you when you had no back-up, no wing man. No one wanted to be left behind, so you were in the pack for survival.

I think you will admit that times have changed. Those big hairy things are usually our dogs or cats and most of the tigers left are in zoos. But our reptilian brain still makes us afraid of not being accepted.

I had a mother-in-law who was a brilliant and talented woman, but she was so afraid of what people thought of her that she just agreed with whomever she was talking to. And during an evening she would agree with radically different people rather than speaking her mind. She felt she had to be a people-pleaser.

I don’t think I ever had an honest conversation with her. That was years ago and now it is people over-sharing on social media and how many “likes” they can get.

When we look to others for approval, we can lose sight of who we really are and our sense of self becomes dark and cloudy. When we don’t speak or interact with our authentic self but instead for getting a response from the other person, Then our self-value diminishes.

And like the need to be right, approval from other people is based in fear of rejection, being left out and a negative self-image. This is all kinds of wrong. You do not deserve this at all.

Since we are the stories we tell about ourselves then burn that other story and write a new one. Start slowly and refuse to use the words “I don’t care” “I don’t know”, “it doesn’t matter to me” or “whatever you want” when asked for your opinion. Pretend you do know and care and make a choice.

Trust me, you do not want to continue living in a stuck state. And people will react to you differently. If you get weird stares, then know you are coming out of the fog of the opinion of others. They will get used to it and respect the new and real you.

And the truth of the matter is that people are going to think and say what they damn well want to think and say whether you like it or not but that is their business. Self-approval comes when you accept yourself and realize you are enough just as you are.

Power on.

Why do people care so much about what others think?

What is the cost of that

How to let go of what people think/